Open Mouth…Posted: June 27, 2005
Have you ever said anything you wish with all your heart to take back? I did this afternoon, and it scared and hurt someone I love. It was a misunderstanding, and a bad joke on my part, very poor taste. There’s a whole bunch of background to why this was bad, but I won’t get into it here. It was just out of my mouth, all of the sudden it was “out there.” My Someone thought I was telling them I was very ill with something more than one of our Loved Ones died from, when I was talking about something else entirely, and I fell horrible about saying it. There’s nothing I can do, what’s done is done, and my Someone has forgiven me, and said to forget about it, drop it, and don’t obsess over it like I always do. They just misunderstood my bad joke. And in fact, my Someone seemed fine when we parted ways today…I explained that when I said what I what I did, I was imagining the worse scenario possible, and I guess to me, what I said was it. Except Someone thought I was talking about ME. I always think things are worse than they actually are. Why am I so like a dog with a bone? Obsessive…and yes, this is even with OCD meds. 🙂
Crap. And I had been doing so good about thinking before I speak. It would do us all good if we’d remember that sometimes, our words carry more impact than we know.
What’s weird though is that not to long ago, I made another bad joke about this illness. What’s WRONG with me? Is it a weird part of the grieving process? Someone else I know cracked bad jokes about the illness too, only they are a walking miracle that has made a complete recovery fom it. But it was still a scary thing, and the humor for them seemed another way to deflect that. Is that what I’m trying to do?
The best thing to do is drop it, and move on. Intellectually, I know that. But, as you can see by the pattern of my blogs, that’s not an easy thing for this Desperate Writer to do. Writing down this stupid stuff helps me get it out of my head, so maybe I can sleep, nocturnal chick that I am.
Went to my friend’s booksigning this afternoon, the one I told you we had dinner with a few nights ago. She had a phenomenal turn out. I’m so THRILLED!
I went to see BEWITCHED this afternoon too. WOW. I liked it! I was pretty skeptical, but Nicole Kidman was FABULOUS. 🙂 I won’t say it’s the best movie in the world, but I certainly liked it enough for ME to call it a keeper.