Where are the hookers?


“What?”  I asked Toddler. I knew, of course, that there was no way on Earth that the little darling meant anything close to how it sounded.

‘You know,” she said, holding up part of the new Sleeping Beauty play set Grandma b ought her the night before, “these things?”

“Oh, the harness for your pony?” She’d been hooking up the princess’s carriage.  “I don’t know, let’s look.”

I should probably be ashamed of  myself, but it was one of many moments the child delivered some amusing phrases and experiences as well as some very tender moments during her visit with us last week.

First off, I have to say that those DVD players made for travel are the best inventions EVER. And Toddler showed US how to work it. I think Mom wishes they’d been around when we were kids. Of course, I think I’ll be hearing the new Scooby-Doo theme song in my head for awhile. Which is really confusing since I’d invested so much time committing the old  one to memory when I was a kid. Scooby-Doo is her favorite cartoon, next to Star Wars, The Clone Wars. Go figure. Daddy’s influence there, I suspect.  Although Grandma said she seemed more interested in the boy’s toys at WalMart than  the girls’. She’s right, they seem to stock a lot more interesting toys for boys than girls.

We went to McDonald’s (the one with the playground, per Toddler) three times. She is an expert at ordering her own Happy Meal (Chicken Nuggets, Ketchup, LOTS of ketchup, Apple Slices WITH carmel dip and Chocolate Milk)  Naturally, she was  much more  interested  in the playground than eating. Except the ketchup and the caramel dip,  she downed those like I do tequila shots.

This eating thing…I don’t know if it was just normal  four-year-old behavior, or what, but she was always eating, yet wouldn’t eat. You know, like meals. She loved to run to the fridge for a string cheese, or a juice box, but when I  asked her what she wanted to eat, or offered a meal, she refused all the things that are usually her favorite. Except salad.  She seems to love salad. Which makes her one up one me. When she rejected the chicken nuggets we’d brought to the table, she actually said she didn’t want them, I ate  them as she played.  Well, that ticked her off royally. Because, you see, apparently another thing I’ve learn is that four-year-old women- in-training can change their minds just as quickly as the big girls.

Evidently, she can SAY things like big girls, too. Maybe. I’m not sure, since I didn’t actually hear it. See, a little boy on the playground tattled on her, saying she said a bad word when I called her down  for the day.

“What did she say?” I blurted.

The boy slid a glance at his mother then looked at me, wide-eyed as if to say,’ Are you kidding me? My mom’s right there.’

I realized my mistake almost immediately, told him nevermind, then called Toddler down again.

She came down  with her little stuffed pony covering her eyes, as if that would shield her from whatever scolding  she might be in for. It was so cute, watching her tentatively navigate downward on the block-like steps, like she was marching her way to the hangman’s noose.  I  asked her if she had said a bad word, and she denied it. My dilemma was, I knew if she said something bad, I should discipline her, but since she’d told me no, and I didn’t hear it myself, I shouldn’t let her think I’d take a strange kid’s word over hers, no matter if I suspected she was guilty as heck. I settled for reminding her that if she DID say a naughty word, she needed to remember that she shouldn’t say them. That we’d call it even, since I’d eaten her chicken nuggets.

But back to the playground…She was an animal. Jump, run, climb, slide, slither over these rolly-things, she did it all, fearlessly. (Just last year, I had to go in an  help her on some of it.)  You’d think, after all that, she’d be ready for her usual naptime. Nope. You’d think that since she missed her naptime, she’d be more than ready for bedtime. Nope.

Nope, she was on Toddler vacation time and took full advantage of her inexperienced Aunt  Sis and Uncle Mr.  Man.

She liked bathtime, though.  (Cue this music– Splish Splash,  I was Takin’ a Bath)  Trying to get her to soap up,  rinse off,  and get OUT of the tub was another project. I tried telling her that if she didn’t wash behind her ears, potatoes would grow back there.

She countered with,”If I don’t wash my bottom, will potatoes grow there, too?”

Giggling, I told her that no, just her ears were where they’d grow.

We were watching cartoons together, and Hermione, our female mini-Dacshund, crawled into my lap.  We looked at her paws, and Toddler remarked that the pup didn’t like her nails trimed. I agreed. Toddler then gave me the pitch, right from TV, for that PediPaws filing system, and said I should get that, then Hermione would be happy as a clam.

Did I mention, she is FOUR?

Which made  it even funnier to hear her say, “Stop PERSECUTING me!” at one point. I don’t thing she knew what she was saying, since she was quoting from one of her movies, but I wouldn’t be surprised since she can use ‘improvise’ correctly in a sentence.

Toddler's expert handsWe made homemade Valentines, and also baked Granny’s sugar cookies, shaped like hearts. That child rolled out and cut out those cookies like a natural. Every bit as good as me or Grandma. It was the same way with the biscuits we made the night before.

Let me tell you, they are mighty tasty! I think Toddler’s touch made them extra sweet.

I have so much more I could  talk about, but it’s getting late, and I have to work early.

See you later!

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6 Comments on “Where are the hookers?”

  1. Selma says:

    She is as bright as a button, isn’t she? I can’t believe the way she rolled out that dough. Incredible!!

  2. Emma says:

    I love ponies! Great blog and hope to have some time soon to come back and read more!

  3. Anonymous says:

    The chicken nuggets thing? Yeah, that’s pretty typical. “I want these, but not right now, so don’t you dare touch them or I’ll bite your head off and spit down your neck.”

    Um, it’s the same for boys as well, and yes, the boys’ toys are infinitely more interesting.

    Until That Harlot and all Her Unsavory Accessories gets tossed into the mix. gah!

  4. I think the potato question made perfect sense!

  5. Diva A says:

    She is such a blessing to you. 🙂

    And let me just say that little T is equally blessed to have her Aunt Sis.

    Thanks for a glimpse into your time together. So touching and sweet. And I’m not just referring to the yummy looking cookie dough. Heehee

  6. desperatewriter says:

    Hi y’all, thanks for stopping by! Looking back, I sure have a few typos up there, thanks for overlooking them. I need to be more careful!

    Selma–Lots of practice with the PlayDoh I think! But, she’s a natural, too.

    Anonymous–“Bite your head off and spit down your neck.” How FUNNY! And accurate. And she hasn’t fallen into the Harlot’s clutches yet…YET

    Jenny– Yes, she’s a very literal and logical kiddo. Not to mention one who has a vivid sense of humor!

    Diva A–Yes, a definite blessing. Thanks for the kind words. I’ll have to whip up a batch of those cookies sometime and bring them to critique.


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